every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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