I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
