dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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