grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
