she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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