After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
