he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
