I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
