I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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