I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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