Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
