oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
