Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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