I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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