I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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