i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
