I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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