i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
