Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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