dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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