We named our party play list daddy issues
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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