i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
