took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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