How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
