I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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