Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
