so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
