I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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