): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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