Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
