I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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