The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
