Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
