how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
