ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
In America we eat man semen.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
