Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
