i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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