I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
