I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
