First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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