i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
