Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Congratulations! We have a period
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
