He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
love makes seman taste better
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
