I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
