I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
