i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
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Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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