I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
