Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i love accidental penises.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So vagazzling was a success
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
