it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
