Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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