I looked at my own cervix.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
