If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
