I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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