I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
