we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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