I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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