yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
