I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
