How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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