i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
