Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
