Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
