the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
