I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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