Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
