ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
