I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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