i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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