i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
