Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
