I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
