Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
