No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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