My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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