so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
