My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
