And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
