roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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